Bereaved Parents Wish List

I wish Alexis hadn't died. I wish I had her back.

I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. Alexis
lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was
important to you also.

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about Alexis, I wish you
knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. Alexis death is the
cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have
allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't
shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want
you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you
would let me talk about Alexis; my favorite topic of the day.

I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my
Alexis death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these
things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. These first years
are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief
will never be over. I will suffer the death of Alexis until the day
I die
I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand
that I will never fully recover. I will always miss Alexis and I
will always grieve that she is dead.

I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or "be
happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate
yourself.

I don't want to have a "Pity party", but I do wish you would let me
grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is
miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please
be as patient with me as I am with you.

When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I
don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very
normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are
all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn
or irritable and cranky.

Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent advice.
However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you
could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.

Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes
the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk
away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When Alexis died,
a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was
before Alexis died and I will never be that person again.

I wish very much that you could understand ~ understand my loss and
my grief. But, I pray daily that you will never understand.

(I RECEIVED THIS IN AN EMAIL. IF YOU WANT TO COPY IT, JUST PUT YOUR CHILD'S NAME IN THE SPOT IT GOES IN.)

Not a minute goes by that I am not thinking of you!
Since I found out you were on the way,
I spent every waking hour thinking of you,
how much joy you would bring into our lives.
You were and always will be my darling sweetheart.
I love you so much
and I can't begin to tell you how sad I feel right now
and how much I miss you.
Even though we only had you with us for a short time,
you are my beautiful baby girl
and you are so very precious to me!
I don't know why we've been separated,
but I do know that I will see you again.
I am so excited to be able to hold you in my arms!
To hug and kiss, and love you!
Some may think this is silly of me to write to you,
but who knows, maybe Jesus is reading this to you right now!
I just want you to know that I love you and I always will!
Love, Mommy